The Idea of Being at Peace Became More Comforting Than the Thought of Staying

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When I was younger, maybe in my teenage years—I used to wonder why some people gave up on life. I used to ask myself, “Did they even try to stay?” “Why did they give up so easily?” “Why didn’t they open up to their family, to their friends, or to anyone at all?” I thought they were weak. I thought they were selfish. I thought they just didn’t try hard enough.

And I realize now, I was wrong.

I was cruel for thinking that way. I was unfair. I judged them without knowing what they were really going through. I called them cowards, but maybe it took more strength than I could ever imagine to carry that kind of pain quietly for so long. Because the truth is, sometimes it’s not just about being strong. Sometimes, even the people around you, those who are supposed to care are the reason why you feel like giving up.

You feel like you don’t belong. You feel like your voice doesn’t matter. And slowly, that feeling of not being enough starts to grow until it drowns you.

I shouldn’t have questioned their choice. I didn’t know what it felt like to stand on the edge—half holding on, half letting go. But now I do. I’ve felt it. I’ve been there. I’ve had days where even breathing felt like too much. Nights where I wished I would just fall asleep and not wake up. I’ve known what it’s like to smile in front of people but cry when I’m alone. I’ve known what it’s like to feel tired not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually tired.

And it was during those moments that I finally understood that sometimes, the idea of peace feels more comforting than the thought of staying. Because staying means continuing to fight. And fighting means facing the same pain over and over again.

I realized that the people I used to judge—they didn’t give up easily. They tried. They tried so hard. They carried their pain for years. They kept showing up even when they didn’t feel like it. They laughed when their heart was breaking. They tried to be okay for everyone else, even when they were falling apart inside.

They didn’t just choose to leave. They chose to stay first, again and again until they couldn’t anymore.

That’s why I’ve learned to never judge someone’s silence.

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I’ve learned to never assume someone is okay just because they smile. I’ve learned that kindness, simple kindness can save someone’s life. A gentle word. A warm hug. A message that says, “I’m here if you need me.” It can mean everything to someone who feels like they have nothing left.

Life is not just about living. It’s about surviving. And sometimes, surviving means carrying wounds no one else can see.

So be kind. Because you don’t always know who’s on the edge, quietly wishing for peace. And maybe, your kindness can give them a reason to stay.