The Idea of Being at Peace Became More Comforting Than the Thought of Staying
When I was younger, maybe in my teenage yearsāI used to wonder why some people gave up on life. I used to ask myself, āDid they even try to stay?ā āWhy did they give up so easily?ā āWhy didnāt they open up to their family, to their friends, or to anyone at all?ā I thought they were weak. I thought they were selfish. I thought they just didnāt try hard enough.
And I realize now, I was wrong.
I was cruel for thinking that way. I was unfair. I judged them without knowing what they were really going through. I called them cowards, but maybe it took more strength than I could ever imagine to carry that kind of pain quietly for so long. Because the truth is, sometimes itās not just about being strong. Sometimes, even the people around you, those who are supposed to care are the reason why you feel like giving up.
You feel like you donāt belong. You feel like your voice doesnāt matter. And slowly, that feeling of not being enough starts to grow until it drowns you.
I shouldnāt have questioned their choice. I didnāt know what it felt like to stand on the edgeāhalf holding on, half letting go. But now I do. Iāve felt it. Iāve been there. Iāve had days where even breathing felt like too much. Nights where I wished I would just fall asleep and not wake up. Iāve known what itās like to smile in front of people but cry when Iām alone. Iāve known what itās like to feel tired not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually tired.
And it was during those moments that I finally understood that sometimes, the idea of peace feels more comforting than the thought of staying. Because staying means continuing to fight. And fighting means facing the same pain over and over again.
I realized that the people I used to judgeāthey didnāt give up easily. They tried. They tried so hard. They carried their pain for years. They kept showing up even when they didnāt feel like it. They laughed when their heart was breaking. They tried to be okay for everyone else, even when they were falling apart inside.
They didnāt just choose to leave. They chose to stay first, again and again until they couldnāt anymore.
Thatās why Iāve learned to never judge someoneās silence.
Iāve learned to never assume someone is okay just because they smile. Iāve learned that kindness, simple kindness can save someoneās life. A gentle word. A warm hug. A message that says, āIām here if you need me.ā It can mean everything to someone who feels like they have nothing left.
Life is not just about living. Itās about surviving. And sometimes, surviving means carrying wounds no one else can see.
So be kind. Because you donāt always know whoās on the edge, quietly wishing for peace. And maybe, your kindness can give them a reason to stay.